Reconnecting With Old Contacts for a Job: How to Do It Without Feeling Gross

Reconnecting with old contacts for a job feels gross because most messages are built to extract something. Fix that and the awkwardness mostly goes. Say why you're reaching out now, say something real about their work, name the gap in one sentence, and make the ask small. Then stop writing.

You know who could help. You haven't talked in three years. So you don't write.

That's the pattern. Here's how to break it.

Why does reaching out to an old contact feel so awkward?

Two things stack up. There's the gap: we haven't talked in years. And there's the ask: I need something.

Senior people feel it harder. You're used to being the person others call. Asking feels like a drop in status.

It isn't one. In an industry that keeps cutting, plenty of people have sent this message and plenty have received it. Most people in games know how it goes.

Why do most reconnect messages fail?

They open with the ask. "Hope you're well! I'm looking for my next role. Any openings?" It reads like a mass message, because it usually is.

They're vague. "Would love to pick your brain." Now the reader has to work out what you want, and most won't bother.

They're long. Four paragraphs of career history. Nobody replies to a resume.

They over-apologize. "Sorry to bother you after so long" tells the reader this is a bother.

They're generic. The message could have gone to anyone, so it feels like it did.

How do you restart an old contact?

Five parts, in this order.

1. A real reason for now. A project they shipped, a post, a move, some news. "It's been a while" is not a reason.

2. Something specific about their work. One sentence. It proves you looked.

3. The gap, named once. "It's been about three years." Then move on. No apology.

4. Where you are. One honest line. "I'm looking at what's next." If you're between roles, say so plainly. In games, layoffs are rarely a surprise anymore.

5. A small ask, or none. Ten minutes on a call, or just their read on where things are headed. Easy to say yes to. Easy to say no to. Be specific about a time so it's even easier.

What does a good message look like?

Three examples. (Example wording. Swap in your own details.)

Someone you worked with and stayed loosely in touch with:

"Hey [Name]. Saw the team shipped [the update]. Congrats, that's a hard one to land. I'm looking at what's next after [last role]. Would love ten minutes to hear how it's going over there. Free this Friday at 3pm Central?"

Someone you haven't spoken to in years:

"[Name], it's been about three years since [the project]. I keep seeing your name next to [what they're working on] and it made me want to say hi. I'm exploring what's next in [your area]. If you've got ten minutes sometime, I'd love your read on where [their part of the industry] is headed. How about this Thursday at 2pm Pacific?"

You were laid off:

"[Name], I was part of the [studio] cuts. I'm taking a hard look at what's next in [your area], and you know this space better than most. Could I get fifteen minutes of your time next Tuesday at 11am Eastern?"

Notice what's missing. No résumé. No "any openings?" No apology.

What do you do if they don't reply?

Wait a week or two. Send one follow-up that adds something: congratulations on news, or a link they'd care about. Then let it go.

Most of the time, silence means a busy inbox. It isn't a verdict on you. You're better off focusing your energy on those who will respond. As they say, "go where the love is."

Who should you reach out to first?

Start with people who've seen you do the work. Managers you shipped with. Peers who watched you handle a bad quarter. People you hired or mentored.

Then look for people who've moved into hiring seats since you last talked. They can describe your work to a room you're not in.

Write the first message today. It takes ten minutes, and the contact you've been avoiding may be the shortest path you have.